Uncovering NPD: The signs and behaviors of narcissism

We’ve all heard the word ‘narcissist’ used to describe someone – whether it’s said on TV, in a book, or in conversation. The term ‘narcissist’ is used quite loosely in society these days; but what does the term mean exactly? By definition, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.”

So, how does someone become a narcissist and develop NPD? Here are a few factors to consider:

• Environment and upbringing: Narcissism can become prevalent in home environments where the child is neglected and often overlooked. Narcissists often feel entitled and crave attention, which may stem from the lack of love, attention and support they did not receive during their adolescence.
• Genetics and neurobiology: Before we dive into this, I need to disclose that I am not a medical professional- I am presenting this information based on organic research. Some believe that narcissism is caused by genetics and neurobiology – which makes sense if we refer back to the definition of NPD, stating a mental condition. I truly feel that genetics and neurobiology play into NPD, because a person’s brain becomes heavily impacted by NPD tendencies during thought processing, repeated behaviors, etc.

What are the signs and behaviors of someone who may have NPD? Someone who is a narcissist may acquire some or all of the indicators below:

• Controlling: A narcissist will strive to control every and any situation at hand, and thrives from having ultimate control and say.
• Manipulative: A narcissist is a master manipulator, often gaslighting people around them and making them believe every word said to be true.
• Charming: Narcissists are great at making people believe and admire them. They are often well-liked and adored by those around them who have yet to uncover their true self.
• Feeling desired: Many narcissists are in positions of power- whether it be in the workplace, volunteering, recreational, or social status. Narcissists will make others feel like they are beneath them, and will assert themselves in situations to intimidate or show their dominance.
• Sensing when someone is triggered: A narcissist can tell when people see them for who they are- so they tend to cut off these people, or make them look bad to deflect from their insecurities.
• Playing victim: A narcissist will use manipulation and charm to make themselves appear to be right and never in the wrong- which often results in them playing the victim. This tactic allows people to feel sorry for them, and come up with excuses for their behavior. A narcissist will make everything about themself, given their sense of entitlement.
• Lack of empathy: It is extremely rare that a narcissist will be empathetic or feel sympathetic towards someone other than themselves. They are often self-centered, and feel as though their problems and feelings are above anyone else.
• Becomes angered easily: A narcissist can become frustrated rather easily, and can go from calm and reserved to angry in seconds- whether their anger is provoked or unprovoked.  One thing to note about narcissists when it comes to conflict- It’s common that they will not apologize or take accountability of their actions if they are wrong, because they simply cannot accept their wrongdoing.

Now that we know the signs and behaviors of NPD, how can we protect our wellbeing from someone who is a narcissist? Setting boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health, and distancing/removing yourself from someone who has NPD. Setting boundaries make unhealthy people unhappy; however, it is necessary to protect your space and energy. People who are concerned about your boundary do not have to agree with it (simply because they cannot relate or understand), but they will need to accept and respect it.

If you’re feeling down and overwhelmed by someone in your life who has NPD or narcissistic tendencies, keep in mind that a narcissist always reveals themselves in one way or another. I know it can be frustrating to deal with someone who has NPD, especially when others around you are in denial of that person’s behavior. Just remember, people use denial as a shield to protect their beliefs and perceptions of that person, because if they allow themself to believe that the person has NPD, then that will change everything they once knew or believed about that person. Change is hard for people to come to terms with.

Protect yourself and your energy by noticing the signs and behaviors of NPD, so that you can take the next step to set a boundary and/or remove yourself from that person. Please share this information with anyone you think may be impacted by someone who is struggling with NPD.